woes
2008-07-17 -- 7:35 p.m.

Sometimes I wonder if my dad knows who his daughter really is, or whether he knows but vehemently denies it in his head, hoping against hope that I would change (or follow), and be that someone that he wants me to be.
Sometimes I struggle against doing what I love, and feeling guilty about it not being what he wants.
Sometimes I feel like he is disappointed, that I’m not one of those tremendously capable high-flyers suited to rise up the ladders of the civil service.
I’m not that girl, and can never be.
I want something I can be excited about, that I am good at, that I can feel like I belong.
I just can’t, and won’t, be in a stuffy and structured job doing the same monotonous and un-engaging work all day.
It isn’t me, and I’ve long been aware of that trait.
I don’t like the safe and stable route; and I don’t go for things that are supposed to be.
Yes, to him I’m a little flighty, a little frivolous, a little simpleminded, and a little irresponsible.
And yes it could be that he is right.
But this is me, and this is what I love, flighty or not.

I asked, and He replied, “I will make you successful wherever you go.”
So I think God is the one I’m going to listen to and believe in.

And thanks dee, for your hundred percent. :)